Questions and Answers: Part 4

Seriously, you guys are so awesome! I would NOT have made it this far through NaBlPoMo without you!! Keep the questions coming!



Question 4: What types of people make poor social workers?



Tricky one! It also depends on the field of social work - so, I can really only speak to child welfare and mental health/therapy. I'd say the people that make the worst kind of social workers are those that are judgemental. I know that no one likes to admit that they are, but I'd tell anyone going into the field to examine themselves VERY CLOSELY and be brutally honest with themselves.



If you can not imagine what would drive a parent to hit their child, or shake their baby, or go back to their abusive husband, or have 6 kids when they have no job.... then child welfare just may not be for you. These people do not need your judgement - they need someone who can understand how they got to this place... and someone who can work with them to move out of it.

As far as working with children in foster care - I'd honestly say that one of my pet peeves is when I see a social worker who is afraid of the kids. These kids need someone who is not going to be afraid of the kids and their feelings or behavior. I have seen people who really truly LOVE children... completely fall apart around foster children.

These kids (understandably!) have some pretty huge feelings - and they need someone who doesn't try to "talk them out of" those emotions. Too often people tell children "it will be okay" or deliver platitudes that really serve to make the adult feel better - but they don't usually help the child deal with their feelings about the situation. Also, many children in foster care display behavior that is out of the norm for other children their age. I'm not even referring to children who are aggressive. But they have usually heard and will repeat offensive language, don't know appropriate boundaries, and a myriad of other things that will rip your heart out. But they don't need a social worker who just wants to take them all home and make it better.



For mental health/therapy - I'd say that impatient personality types may not fare very well. Therapy is a sloooooww process for most people. It requires a lot of baby steps, backwards steps, and no steps (days/weeks/months where your client can't even GET TO therapy!) - and it is completely out of the therapist's control. This is the client's journey - not the therapist's.

Also, I'd say the best therapists are ones that can tolerate just being with their clients during some really intense, negative moments. Sometimes, clients need to know that you can sit with them and just BE with their emotions. It is not comfortable for the person feeling them, but they need someone to help them experience them in a safe way - so that they can begin to understand and gain some measure of control over them.

For both positions, I'd say time management and organization are also KEY - and I admit they are not my strong suit! But they are desperately important - social work is an insane job a lot of the time. And as much as we will try to tell you it is all about the 1:1 time with our clients - the documentation IS important for many, many reasons.

These are just some of the bigger issues that I see social workers struggle with (and have had to work out for myself)... but I am sure that other social workers have other things to add! Come on all my SW Bloggy friends - what characteristics are key or personalities that you've noticed don't seem to fare well in YOUR branch of social work?

Quickest way to make your social worker happy...

Call her to tell her that exactly two years ago today was when you met your (now) adopted children.

Angel and Rocker's adoptive mom called me yesterday (Wed) to catch me up on how their doing. They are having a wonderful school year, both active in music classes and Rocker is even making the honor roll!

We chattted for a while and made plans to get together soon. I am so, so grateful for the love and investment that their adoptive family has put into these children. And so, so, SO grateful that they allow me to stick around to witness it.

***** Zari Update From Yesterday*****

We chatted again tonight - she needed to follow up on some things regarding a difficult decision she's trying to make. By the time I talked to her she had already contacted several information sources, talked to her parents again, and made up a "pros/cons" list! She will never cease to amaze me.

Best news ever?

She is seriously considering a degree is social work.

I won't even pretend that thought doesn't make me giddy. :)

Quickest way cause anxiety for you social worker...

... have a previous teenaged client text her at 3pm and say "I really need to talk to you - can I call you?"


And then then don't call for almost 7 hours!!


That was Zari did to me yesterday - before I go any further, she is doing okay and the crisis is relatively minor. (Minor in my eyes, not hers!) She is struggling with making some of the normal life decisions that most college kids have to make. She talked to her parents - but, like most young adults, finds it hard to accept their advice as being completely objective. So, she wanted to get advice from someone who wouldn't "over-react" and could be unbiased. (I think she underestimates my investment in her!)


But in my 7 hours of worrying today, I also took some deep breaths and reassured myself with the knowledge that at least Zari knows that there is someone she can call. So many, many of the children out there in care do not have that in their lives. And Zari has it better than many - she has loving parents that she could turn to first!


It has also strengthened my belief that getting "involved" and worrying less about maintaining boundaries, is right for me as a social worker. I don't think that means that EVERY social worker should be - just that it is right for me.


I feel secure in knowing that I know how to keep my own professional boundaries in place. I don't insert myself into my clients' lives, I can reflect on my intentions and know when my desires are about "me" and not the client. But I want my clients to know that I care about them as people, not just as part of a job.


Please, please know - dear readers - that I am not perfect.


For all of you that bemoan the inept, disorganized, infuriating social workers that you have experienced - there are probably people that would say the exact same things about me. There are parents who have felt unsupported and betrayed, foster parents who have felt brushed aside and unheard, and children who I have not been able to protect or defend.


I do not generally blog about my failures - mostly because the pain is still fresh - but they certainly exist.


But I do believe that I have gotten it right a few times. That I have served some of my clients well, helped them to achieve their goals, supported them in getting the things that they need and want in life. And Zari is truly my bright star right now...


But, I also have to remind myself (as I did for about 7 hours yesterday) that she is still very young. She is entitled to make mistakes and learn from them just like any other teen/young adult. And I all out panicked at the idea that she might be any one of the following:


dropping out of school

having boyfriend issues

pregnant

failing a class

totaled her car

all of the above....


After speaking to her and reassuring myself that nothing earth shattering or life threatening was going on, I had to really examine my reaction to this text message. And the truth that I realized is that I will forever feel somewhat responsible for what happens to these children.


Long after they are in stable, permanent families (adopted, guardianship, biological)...


When their cases have long been closed out...


When I only hear sporatic updates, sometimes passed through many channels...


When they are all grown up, fully capable and responsible for making their own decisions...



I will still wonder



and worry



and pray.