Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Today I don't have to think about

Today I don't have to think about whether other people will make thoughtful decisions about my life.
Today I don't have to think about if my original family will ever live together again.
Today I don't have to think about how I will come up with food to feed my children.
Today I don't have to think about if the child I kissed goodnight will live with me forever.



Today I don't have to think about how my baby sister is doing in a different home.
Today I don't have to think about leaving my husband and being homeless.

Today I don't have to think about not having anyone to help me when I need it.

Today I don't have to think about selling my body because I need to get high.


Today I don't have to think about having sex with a stranger so that I have somewhere warm to sleep.
Today I don't have to think about whether my child's other parents are missing them right now.

Today I don't have to think about a judge I've never met deciding where I live.


Today I don't have to think about leaving the only home I've ever known.


Today I don't have to think about how many "mothers" I've had in two years.
Today I don't have to think about when I'll get to see my mother or father again.

Today I don't have to think about what its like to hear someone say I'm unfit to parent my child.

Today I don't have to think about whether my caseworker will understand why I missed my therapy appt.

Today I don't have to think about how it feels to have someone else decide if I'm "approved" to be a parent.

Today I don't have to think about choosing between work and leaving my kids home alone.

Today I don't have to think about how I couldn't protect my child.

Today I don't have to think about all the milestones I missed when my child wasn't mine.


Today I don't have to think about everything I'll never know about my child's history.


Today I don't have to think about deciding whether my children are "better off" in another family.
Today I don't have to think about telling a stranger about all the hard things that have happened to me.

Today I don't have to think about how long its been since I last got high


.

Today I don't have to think about whether this home will really be "permanent".

Today I don't have to think about the foster siblings that aren't my siblings anymore.
Today I don't have to think about how hard it is to get out of bed even though I am supposed to visit my kids.
Today I don't have to think about making one set of parents feel bad when I miss my other parents.

Today I don't have to think about my last name changing to something different than some of my siblings.
Today I don't have to think about how I will explain myself to my children one day.
Today I don't have to think about whether my apartment will pass a "safety check".
Today I don't have to think about how I'll ever catch up when I keep changing schools every couple months.

Today I don't have to think about how other people judge me based on my parents' choices.
Today I don't have to think about how few people really care about me.
Today I don't have to think about my family changing against my will.
Today I don't havet to think about how other people get to make most of my life decisions.

Today I don’t have to think about all the things I don’t have to think about.


But today I will.



This list was inspired by Heather from Production, Not Reproduction and her adoption oriented list in this post. She was inspired by John Scalzi's post on his blog "Whatever" which focused on more general prejudices. Mine, in case you could not tell, explores the facets of child welfare. I attempted to use the perspectives of the children, parents, and foster parents who, I imagine, have many of these thoughts while being part of the system. 

2 comments:

  1. Hi, I found your blog through the NaBloPoMo blog randomizer and I'm happy I did. Very powerful words.

    ReplyDelete

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